Part 2: Lost and Found – A Turkish Adventure
As I crafted travel brochures, painting dreamscapes of far-flung destinations, I was privy to the magic behind the scenes. Tour operators would pitch their latest adventures, and I’d watch as managers orchestrated intricate itineraries, weaving together flights, accommodations, and experiences.
Before my time at the agency, I’d backpacked through Europe, savoring the freedom to wander at my own pace. People called me brave, but I simply sought the unfettered joy of independent exploration.
Fortunately, my career allowed me to work remotely, a concept I embraced long before the pandemic. With my laptop as my passport, I could chase my dreams from anywhere.
So when I finally mustered the courage to unchain myself from the desk, prepared a dramatic speech to convince my dad why I needed to quit my job and travel – he wasn’t even surprised. With his blessings, off I went on my adventure. (I never really told him with whom or what happened – so please don’t tell my dad.)
“They say, if you can finally tell the story without crying – you have healed.”
2015 – Mesmerised by Cappadocia, but after what happened I haven’t been back since.
This part of the story… took me years to articulate and to understand what I was experiencing. What unfolded next was a love story, a heart-wrenching tale…
2015
Meet the antagonist + love interest – Mr. S. We first met on a dating app in 2013 and reconnected in 2015 when Mr. S proposed we go on a road trip around Turkey. Of course I said ‘hell, yes!’.
I eagerly accepted, little knowing the emotional turmoil that awaited.
Travel tip #1 The company makes or breaks the trip. Do not travel with a friend you do not know well.
As we drove through the breathtaking landscapes of Turkey, a strange dichotomy existed within me. On one hand, I was mesmerized by the stunning vistas, the ancient ruins, and the vibrant culture. On the other hand, I found myself yearning for a deeper connection with Mr. S.
I yearned for his undivided attention, his laughter. I longed for those intimate moments where we could truly connect, where we could share our hopes, dreams, and fears. But as days turned into weeks, I began to question the depth of his feelings for me. His distant demeanor, his monosyllabic responses, and his apparent disinterest in emotional intimacy left me feeling confused and hurt.
One evening, as we sat under a canopy of stars, I mustered the courage to open up about my feelings. I poured my heart out, confessing my longing for a deeper connection. His lukewarm response left me feeling unheard and increasingly disillusioned.
AUG 2015 – With local kids in Ayder, Rize, Türkiye.
My overactive mind conjured dark scenarios, and I questioned my sanity. There were moments on the road where my mind raced, thinking “Omg, this is how it ends. If he cuts me up and tosses my severed limbs into the valley, no one would ever find me. And, I didn’t even tell anyone where I went.”
Yet, despite the emotional turmoil, I couldn’t shake my affection for him. I blamed myself, convinced that I was somehow inadequate.
Travel tip #2 Always inform a family member or friend your whereabouts and share your itinerary.
I never once felt resentment towards him though. (Stockholm syndrome, much?) How could I ever hate those piercing green eyes? I blamed myself for being not good enough. And his reservedness only encouraged me to try harder. And boy, did I try and tried… for the next 7 years.
Amidst the heartbreak, there were moments of breathtaking beauty. The starlit night skies, the ancient ruins, and the vibrant cities left an indelible mark on my soul.
I had hoped for Mr. S to be my soulmate, but turns out it was Türkiye – a love at first sight.
From Istanbul, we drove to Safranbolu, Amasra, Uzungöl, Rize, and stopped to hike up Sümela Monastery on the way to Cappadocia, before heading back to Istanbul.
Since the drive was mostly Mr. S looking blankly at the road, I meticulously documented our journey, hoping to recapture the magic in the years to come.
2016
I was still so emotionally overwhelmed and needed an outlet. So I took part in an art exhibition and showcased digital paintings inspired by the trip. Read about it here.
The road trip, however, was more than just a physical journey. It was a transformative experience that shaped my identity. It taught me the harsh realities of love and loss, and it ignited a fire within me to embrace life’s uncertainties. The lessons I learned from that tumultuous experience have stayed with me. The pain I endured forged a strength I never knew I possessed.
Even then it took years for my heart to accept what my head knew all along but was too stubborn to admit.
Mr. S in Cappadocia